Potty Talk

I don’t know quite why it happens… but I feel like every time I step across the threshold into a new room, I end up taking a deep breath and absorbing all it has to offer. Take note next time you enter a room. My favorite is the kitchen, as it typically offers fresh smells of what will soon be devoured.

However, when I turn back the curtain and take that same whiff of the outdoor latrine, it just isn’t the same. I now consciously take a deep breath before heading in that direction, but sometimes I can’t hold my breath that long or I simply forget. The resulting odor is as ripe as countless years of use of the same a poop hole can be.

With various gnats and flies forming a makeshift cushion over the wooden “seat,” I dare not touch any part of me to the wood. Hovering over the seat to go pee is no problem, just like camping only you have to maintain a higher stature to clear the seat. I drink plenty of coffee and chicha to use it quite frequently. However, the main foods I eat are fried (read fats) and mountains of platanos (plantains). With their powers combined, they create quite the digestive plug. After not going number two for about a week and knowing I was consuming way more food than I ever have in my life, I decided it was time. Squatting proved to be more exercise than I could muster with my out-of-shape quads burning at the end of each try. I tried with all my might to clear my bowels, but I couldn’t. From the stress of the hike the day before, my quads were burning and my bowels weren’t about to budge. I considered it and weighed all my options (which were few).

So I sat.

I tried leaning against the side and presumably less used part of the seat. At least there were fewer stains on the side I chose. After successfully completing my mission, I could become a spokeswoman for Purell and the new uses for their disinfectant after applying it liberally.

I am happy to report that by incorporating more food groups into my diet, or perhaps picking up a parasite, I haven’t had to sit since.